Sunday, 1 May 2016

Baby Number 3?? | Thoughts & Feelings..

I get asked lots almost weekly whether we will ever consider baby 3 or if i ever get broody since my two are no longer babies or toddlers. To be perfectly honest since having Violet i felt so content and happy having her and just enjoyed her as a baby and toddler and so on.. I've never really got the urge to feel broody or want another.

I knew straight away.. well probably around the 6 months + age of having Alister i wanted another and for him to have a sibling. Quite surprising when i look back though because he wasn't the easiest of babies and cried lots! 

Lots of my friends just recently have given birth to their 3rd or expecting their 3rd in the next few months. Its a very exciting and daunting time for them. Some knew for sure they wanted a 3rd and others were uncertain for ages and also worried about the age gaps ETC.

Alister will be 7 in May and Violet will soon be approaching her 5th Birthday in October and going to school. 

This year has probably been my 'broodiest' year in forever! maybe its because lots of people are pregnant around me? or maybe because my two are growing up and blossoming into their own beautiful people. I know for sure I'm struggling to come to terms with Violet going to school in September. 

I have days where i sit and think about being at home on my own 5 days a week.. and wonder where will my place lie? What will i do with myself? Ive been so used to being a Stay at home mum for so long and house wife.. who will need me?

Im not sure whether to venture out and find myself again, a part time job maybe.

Violet is my little sidekick, my little 'mini me' and enjoys lots of things i like to do to. I am gutted to lose her in September for sure.

I have moments of should we have another? And oh id love to be pregnant again .. and to have a newborn would be amazing, i also loved breastfeeding my two aswell.

However i always have the feeling of could i do it again? With such a big gap would it just be too much for me to start all over? I also literally have nothing! I sold practically everything baby related apart from the sentimental bits i couldn't get rid of. So the expense of buying it all again would also add pressure i think. 

Also the balance of how we do things.. like when we go out, Graham holds one hand i hold the other.. or when i take them out anywhere i can keep my eyes on both, sit in the middle when were in the cinema. Sounds ridiculous but the process of it all I've been through is intense ha!

But again in another mind i would love to do it all again, feels like a lifetime ago since Violet was a babe. Ive always been so maternal and wanted a bigger family, I'm 1 of four siblings and loved having older brothers and sisters.

I think this is a dilemma i will continue to sit on for a while till i know its the 'right time' to have another,  I know theres never really a 'right time' but i think people know when they do or don't.

Im also such a 'planner' i was pretty instant with falling pregnant with Alister, but for some reason i think i might of stressed myself out a bit with calculating cycles etc it took about 5-6 months to fall with Violet.

My time might never come and i may sit on this forever and it will pass who knows!

I know for sure Graham is happy and would settle with two, since he does like to say ' we have a boy & girl' what more do we need.. and i get that, but i think its a different feeling for a woman, carrying the baby, breastfeeding the whole newborn baby thing for me is just amazing.

Who knows what will happen in the future but for now I'm so happy with my two and enjoying them as they grow its so rewarding and they both give back so much now.

Alisters 20 week scan.

I would love to hear your thoughts if your considering another baby or if you have 3 or more children.. did i really make much difference??

Claire x


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